alienEthOS: The Ethics of Sci-fi

alienEthOS forums / Show Discussions / AlienEthOS Show #002 - Betrayal and forgiveness in Battlestar Galactica

Author	Message
Kevin Show Host	# Posted: 1 Sep 2005 08:00:50 What do you do when a friend or family member betrays you?
Kade	# Posted: 1 Sep 2005 17:07:58 It's hard to say, but I DO know that I wouldn't ... - spearhead a military coup d'etat - declare martial law --> in effect, set up a military dictatorship.
miscatonic Show Contributor	# Posted: 15 Sep 2005 14:18:06 For me the answer to this question would be very situational. Parent? Spouse? Child? Friend? Work aquaintance? Wow you would really need to narrow the situation down a bit for me before I could formulate a decent answer.
Kari Guest Show Host	# Posted: 16 Sep 2005 01:40:17 OK - Here's my story (and it's ongoing - I haven't reached the forgiveness part) About 4 years ago, I met this guy. We dated, he moved in to my house which my roommates didn't mind because their rent dropped and living in California...that's important. My rent, on the other hand, went up because he subsequently lost his job and took a while to find a new one. He appears to be trying hard...giving cash when he has it. About 2 years into the relationship, he goes to Washington, DC for an internship where he proceeds to relapse (yes, he was a recovering coke addict). He's ashamed to tell me, so I hear it from a mutual friend, as his other friends and his family don't feel that I'm "on his side" as it was explained to me later. This is betrayal #1. He goes through rehab and we discuss our future. We moved into an apartment so it would just be the two of us and things appear to be looking up. He has a job, he's contributing to the household, he seems happy. He starts saving up for a trip to Australia to visit his family, who he hasn't seen in about 5 years or so. I'm thinking that this is a really good idea because he had some very big issues with his family that were hindering his ability to be happy with himself. I decide to be the loving girlfriend and when he earns half the price of his ticket, I tell him that I'll pay the other half. So he leaves....one month...two months...three months go by and he starts getting testy anytime I bring up his returning to the States. Seven months after he left, I finally come to my senses and realize that he doesn't want to come back and that everything I did for him meants absolutely nothing. He never even told me that he didn't want to come back...he kept hemming and hawing about it and getting pissed off when I wanted to talk about it. So I broke it off with him and the more I thought about it...the more I felt betrayed by him and his family. And I felt stupid and naive for having done everything in my power to make life happy for him without covering myself. So what did I do about this? I tossed ALL of his belongings in the dumpster and have severed all contact with him (not that he tries to get in touch with me). Do I forgive him? No and I probably never will. Trust is probably the hardest thing to win back from someone once it's lost. It's now a year almost to the day I broke our relationship off and I still think about him everyday...I still miss him. Would I take him back? Not a chance in hell. You learn a lot about yourself when you feel betrayed by people. You learn to stand on your own. You learn to value yourself for who you are. And you learn that you are the only one responsible for making yourself happy...no one can do it for you and you can't do it for anyone else. How does this fit in with BSG? No idea because I keep missing the show (I'm like the only person on the planet without TiVO). What I do recall from what I've seen of the show, is that this incarnation of BSG is much more human and delves a lot deeper into the relationships formed in the fleet. Anyway - haven't listened to your 'cast yet...heard Kade on Slice of SciFi this week and thought it sounded interesting. Especially if you laugh a lot. :)
miscatonic Show Contributor	# Posted: 19 Sep 2005 21:10:04 Caught episode two today. Like the format. Keep 'em coming.
Vellan Member	# Posted: 21 Sep 2005 23:57:06 Hi all! I listened to episode two, and there was something about forgiveness that (I think) wasn't covered, so I just felt I should mention it. Sometimes when I forgive people, it's not so much for their sake as my own. Sure, I can hold a grudge at an olympic level, but that's draining. To really hate someone takes a lot of your energy and joy. To keep the wound of their betrayal open, you have to keep that pain alive. Sometimes it's a healthier thing for me to just let that pain go and forgive them. Get over it, so to speak. I can say things like that now that I'm nearly 30; I used to be incapable of letting go. But now I've realised that my not forgiving them wasn't hurting them as much as it was hurting me. Can forgiveness be selfish? I guess so.
Kevin Show Host	# Posted: 22 Sep 2005 07:23:26 \| Edited by: Kevin That certainly is an aspect we didn't cover! We never went over forgiving as a method of achieving internal calm. We spent so much time talking about the social context of forgiveness that we did not cover it on a personal level. I am sitting here thinking of what sort of resentments I still harbor towards people I know, friends, and family. Forgiveness doesn't come easily. I think it has much to do with how embedded the characteristics that lead to their betrayal are to their character. I have a much easier time forgiving someone who just screws up than someone who�s character flaw lead them betray me. A few such flaws I can think of: being unable to face a difficult situation, so they lie to get out of it; being a selfish possessive person, so they falsely accuse you of breaking or stealing something of theirs; being a closet racist, so they defend someone who spouts racial slurs. These are the types of things that even if i do manage to not be angry at them, they will likely never have a true respect for them again. On another note, we may be confusing forgive with forgive and forget. We may stop being angry and resentful towards someone, but still not trust them. If you kick my cat, I might forgive you for it, but I�m not going to let you keep him while I'm on vacation!